All parents in the world want a better life for their child. But you need to do this wisely so that there are no consequences.
Children, who were severely punished in childhood, have a lot of psychological problems: they do not value themselves, they hardly build relationships with others. To prevent this from happening in your family, learn to punish your child properly. Our article will help you with this. The following is a list of principles of punishment that will not harm the child’s self-esteem.
10. Do not punish actions done without malicious intent
Children always strive for novelty, they feel like discoverers. They do not care where they are, at home or on the street, at a party or in a public place. The child performs an action that leads to trouble. How do parents react to this? Of course, they scream, curse, shame the child. If trouble happened, and the child did not want to do anything wrong, sympathize with him, try to help and solve the problem together. A vivid example: a girl wanted to help her mother, took a dirty plate from the table, but could not convey to the sink, the plate broke. Mom scolds her, says that her help is only worse. Do not do this ever, otherwise your child will grow up indecisive. He will listen to the opinion of strangers, will not be able to make decisions on his own.
9. Control your emotions
Some parents cannot control their emotions. To be honest, there are many such parents, even the most ideal ones sometimes break down. In a fit of anger, they can tell the child unpleasant things that have nothing to do with the case, or even strike. Before talking with your child, calm down, count to 10 or take another action that will help you get back to normal. When you feel calm, you can start a conversation. If your child is sensitive and vulnerable, your emotions can lead to psychological problems such as “victim” syndrome.
8. Do not undermine your authority
Many dads and mothers believe that it is not necessary to punish a child, just scare him. This is the wrong approach, soon the child will understand that you are again throwing words into the wind. He already knows that you can only intimidate him, but you will not take any action. The child ceases to understand what is a good deed and what is bad. His value system collapses, barely formed. Of course, there are exceptions to the rules. If you decide to “spare” a son or daughter, be sure to explain to him / her why you are doing this.
7. Do not recall past misconduct
Often there are situations when a child commits something bad, and his parents not only punish him for this misconduct, but also remember what he stumbled five years ago. Act on the principle: punished, forgotten. No need to recall past misconduct. Put yourself in the place of the child, what will you feel in such a situation? If you continue in the same spirit and remind the child of all his small and big “sins”, most likely he will grow up junk. He will live by inertia, be afraid of change and fixate on every mistake he makes.
6. Do not insult the child
Under the influence of strong emotions, most parents do not even think about how they call their child. Obscene words, offensive nicknames have tremendous power, they lower the child’s self-esteem. By the way, many adults admit that they cannot forget the words that their parents spoke to them in a fit of anger. This makes their life difficult. If you call your daughter "messy", she will be like that, if you call your son "mumble", he will never become self-confident. Control your emotions and choose your words carefully. Especially unacceptable in conversations with children swear words.
5. Use physical punishment only in extreme cases.
If you never use physical punishment, this does not mean that you are wonderful parents. In some cases, without this in any way. True, these should be situations where the actions of a child threaten the health of other children or animals. Also, if he does something like this, as a result of which he may suffer himself. Your child mocked a neighboring kitten or beat a classmate who is much weaker than him. The correct reaction is: “Where is my belt?” Talking here will not help, after a while your child will become uncontrollable, and a person may be in place of the kitten. But do not get carried away, you still should not beat the child hard.
4. Punish according to misconduct
You should think about the system of punishment and adhere to it. If you punish equally hard for a broken window and a deuce in a quarter, the child will not be able to build an actual value system. Punish commensurate misconduct and age. It becomes funny when parents deprive the teenager of the TV, and the kid walks. A teenager will be able to find everything that is needed on the phone, and a small child should walk every day, this is not a whim, but a necessity. When punishing a child, in no case do not deprive him of lunch or necessary things.
3. Can't find the culprit? Punish everyone
Parents act unfairly if they punish one child without understanding. It is clear that they are not Sherlock Holmes and will not conduct an investigation, but then it is necessary to make the right decision. Just punish everyone. Of course, if these are your children, not strangers. You should not bring up your child’s friends and girlfriends, let their parents deal with them. If you punish one child, but his brother or sister is not, then the “victim” complex will begin to develop in the perpetrator. This child will grow up unsure of himself, he will not be able to fend for himself and will always be the object of ridicule. Another child you do not punish will become too self-confident.
2. Do not punish in the presence of "witnesses"
If your child has done something bad and you are in a public place, do not scold him at all. Leave the conversation for later, come home and talk. Moreover, you can not punish a child with his friends and classmates. They will start taunting him, relations with his comrades will deteriorate. You also would not want your husband / wife to cause a public scandal? If you do this all the time, the child will become dependent on the opinions of others. In the future it will be very difficult for him, it will depend on the opinions of other people.
1. Do not confuse the ban and the request
Many parents confuse the ban and the request. They ask the child for something, but they do it in such a way that the request is like an order. If you say: “Stop sitting at the computer,” the child is likely to do something else. If you say: “Maybe enough to sit at the computer?”, He will take it as a question, a request. In this case, he will decide. Therefore, do not be surprised when after two hours you discover that the child is still sitting on social networks or playing games. You did not forbid him, therefore, there is nothing to punish here. If in such a situation, you punish the child, then he will begin to fulfill the requests of all people so as not to feel guilty, as in childhood.